New Moon INSIGHT
INSIGHT On Bridging Reaction with Curiosity
Dear Community,
New moons invite intentionality. They offer a quiet moment to choose a more conscious, higher-minded path, in our actions, our hearts, and the inner terrain where real transformation begins.
Observing Reactions
Lately, in my own INSIGHT practice, I’ve been paying close attention to a familiar pattern that still shows up in my most intimate relationships: the impulse to manage another’s feelings, to defend, or even withdraw when things get too uncomfortable.
As an INSIGHT Facilitator, I’m trained to track thoughts, feelings, and actions, to sense and witness without taking on what isn’t mine. That boundary is a cornerstone of the work’s integrity.
And yet, in my personal life, I still find myself tensing when someone I love is upset. I absorb their emotion almost reflexively, often before I even realize it.
Losing my dad at age eight, in a family of five, shaped that pattern early. That loss taught me to brace, and that bracing manifested as a hypervigilant aim to control my environment. My eight-year-old self concluded: “If I can lose my dad just like that, I can lose anyone. Better hold on tight.”
The problem was, as an adult, I never unbraced.
I’ve spent decades unwinding that hypervigilance. But even with the wildly profound heart-opening that came through cancer healing, those old wires still get tripped. It happened just last week.
The more closely I observe myself in moments of emotional heat, the more I notice the near-instant urge to manage, to defend, to pull away. Words rush out. Emotions rise fast. And if unchecked, intimacy takes the hit.
Just last year, I lost one of my closest male friendships because I snapped in a moment of reactivity. Had I paused, had I gotten curious, I would have discovered he was feeling deeply vulnerable and upset. I would have met him with compassion rather than fear and defensiveness.
Nine times out of ten, our initial reactions say more about our own inner emotional terrain than the other person’s intent. Pausing, even for a breath or a heartbeat, creates enough space for something else to emerge.
A doorway into a moment of inquiry opens: What is behind these words? What is the deeper truth here?
Maybe a boundary needs to be set. Perhaps something does need to be said. But in today’s reaction economy, getting curious first is a radical act.
From Reaction to Curiosity
This shift from reaction to curiosity is central to the INSIGHT path. Curiosity slows the nervous system, opens a door to compassion, empathy, and understanding. Curiosity builds bridges where walls might otherwise rise.
Collective Reflection
In our broader culture, reaction often outruns reflection. Conversations polarize quickly. We defend, attack, and assume. Rarely do we pause to try to understand. In these moments, curiosity becomes both courageous and transformative.
To ask instead of assume.
To listen instead of launching into a reply.
These are powerful choices. And to make them, especially in moments of intensity, requires practice.
INSIGHT New Moon Contemplation
In the spirit of this New Moon, I offer the intention I’ve been working with as a possible practice for your own reflection. If it inspires…
Notice your initial reaction and meet it with curiosity.
If you want to go one step deeper into contemplation, then next time a situation surges you into reactivity, ask:
What is my reaction trying to protect?
What deeper feeling am I holding?
What might the other person’s words or actions reveal about their own experience?
To gain traction and take it even further, keep a notebook or jot some notes on your phone.
May this lunar cycle remind us to pause, breathe, and bridge the distance between our reactions and our shared humanity.
Your reflections are always a joy to read. Please share them if you feel moved.
While my own INSIGHT practice is currently full, Julianne and Stephanie have space available. If you feel called, we’d love to welcome you in.
With love,
Kevin